Socializing with others is part of our basic needs, like hunger or thirst. If you can envision Maslow’s hierarchy, this would be at the center of the pyramid, and a definitive requirement for personal fulfillment. As much as we may prefer being alone, or energizing ourselves through self-reflection, if we are normal, we need to interact socially with other people.
Emotions drive how we choose to interact with other people and whether others choose to include us or not. People want to be around those they are comfortable with so taking the time to connect and build relationships is a part of boosting social skills.
Evaluate your personality: What are the things holding you back from reaching out to other people? And if you do this well and regularly, what could you improve to create better and lasting relationships?
Growing up as a child, you probably developed some preferences for friends and who you liked to spend time with and who you didn’t. It’s likely your social skills were forming then.
Ask yourself these questions: Do you know your own social style? Do you put people at ease? Are your relationships based on give and take, or do you monopolize more than you listen?
If you have no idea, start with a meditation video on You Tube, or journal what’s been going on with you socially and where you have felt vulnerable, inadequate or uneasy.
If you feel good about every social interaction you have, then you can stop reading this now. If not, read on for a few tips.
- First, decide how you want to interact socially. It’s all about how you want to be known by others. Think about how you want your team and colleagues to describe you when you are not around. Your social ability will play a HUGE role. I have seen many leaders get rejected for promotions because they didn’t speak up enough or held back from contributing ideas. Others interpreted this silence as disinterest.
- Honestly evaluate where you feel anxious in your interactions and make a mental note of why you feel this way.
- If you are always the center of attention, and tend to enjoy the limelight, think about ways that you can share the spotlight with those around you. When people feel excluded, they tune out and stop listening.
ACTION: Write down 3 social goals for yourself on a sheet of paper. Make two columns: the first is the list of goals and the second is actions you will take and by when.
Some examples of goals to stimulate your thinking are listed below:
- Spend more time in group by joining a new class – a spin class over the next month, a yoga class, or a book club.
- Make some new friends, and include how many you will make and by when. Increase my social circle by attending one networking event every month.
- Practice more self-awareness by watching the way other people behave around you. Watch their body language, their eye contact and their comments. If they seem uncomfortable, ask them if it was something you said or did. Being vulnerable is the key to developing great relationships.
Check out the home page of my website for dates when I will be running my new free challenge, Boost Your Social Skills, and sign up for more strategies and tools.